Guest Post - 7 Lessons Learnt at 21 by Ifeoma Halim | Tuke's Quest

Guest Post - 7 Lessons Learnt at 21 by Ifeoma Halim

Hello People!

Hope you've enjoyed your weekend, I sure have. You'll find out about all the cool stuff I got up to soon enough :)

My friend, Ify Halim turned 22 yesterday. She is a fellow corper and the brain behind Our Stories Inc, remember them? The spotlight was on me over at Our Stories last month and you can read all about it here. Ify wrote this interesting article about 7 things she learnt during her 21st year on Earth.

Read and Enjoy!!

Hey Guys!

In case you don’t know me, my name is Theodora Ifeoma Ebitenye Ibiere Halim… but you can call me Ify for short. *big grin* Lol.

I’m the latest 22 year old on the block and wanted to share from what had to be the most intense year of my life (and life has barely even started yet o lol). In my mind, I’m writing to myself 365 days younger, a fresh young graduate who’s clueless about this thing called NYSC and anxious about the journey ahead as an independent woman in the mad jungle that is Lagos. Detuke was nice enough to let me post it on here and to her, I say thank youu. And to you my dear reader…. stick around and you just might learn a thing or two ;)

First up, Love is a decision, not a feeling - Yup, you read that right. Because when all the warm, fuzzy feelings of excitement, passion or whatever you want to call it fade, it’s the promise you made to commit to a person or situation that’ll keep you going. So words to the wise: before you start anything, go in with your head first… I beg you.

People usually suck at making decisions when they’re emotional. FACT.– About to have an emotional outburst? Yeah… just don’t bother. Personally, a lot (and I mean, A LOT) of stupid things were said when I was angry and hurt this past year, words that weren’t rational and led to unnecessary and bad consequences. Once, an episode almost cost me my allawee for the month (a whole nineteen thousand, eight hundred naira… chaii!!!). I was technically in the right, but wisdom teaches that some situations demand the “stoop-to-conquer” approach. When all else fails, emotional intelligence is key, always remember that. Think things through first ehn! Take a walk!! Pray!!! But whatever you do, calm down first before you react.

The true value of an amount as small as N19,800 -Don’t laugh at me plez, but when you’re living the sorta-financially-independent-life I was living this year, your NYSC allowance becomes pure gold and I’m sure my fellow corpers can relate. The pure excitement you experience from seeing a credit alert on your phone of that amount… ah, absolutely priceless!

Even great friendships end sometimes – I said goodbye to very good friendships this year. No fights or anything, we just simply drifted apart. It hurt at first, and I tried hard to fight for them. But a fact that finally sunk in was the reality that life is like a movie. Each person comes in to play a particular role in your life (and vice versa), and once his/her/your part’s done, that’s it. And that’s okay.

Don’t be afraid to dream big and make mistakes in the process, or even worse, fail at achieving them - That’s what separates the ordinary people from the extraordinary. And you’ll learn so many ways how NOT TO succeed anyways.

The power of vision, and faith in God – It’s a powerful thing. Where do I even begin on this?? Things happen. When you refuse to give in to things going on in front of you and fix your eyes on what you’ve been promised is soon to come, after a while changes start to happen. They may not come immediately, but hang in there. They’ll soon show up.

The importance of counting my blessings - I have two of the most supportive parents you could ever find, the best of friends and overall, a great group of people who constantly have my interest at heart. In the kind of world we live in, where dogs are eating dogs (lmao, that sounds so weird when I read it), these people are rare gems in my eyes. Special shout-out to all of them… I lurff youu!!!

And that’s about it

Part 2 Next Year, maybe?

Oh yeah, Follow me on Twitter and I would definitely follow back @MissHalim



  1. Igbo, rivers and hausa(halim is hausa yes?)name????? wow!!!!! your parents are not boring at all!!!! i agree about the friendship drifts. i too had to come to terms with loosing a good friend because our differences just wasnt enough to hold our bond, , lucky you. my allawe was 9 Grand at the time i did my horribly annoying Service in 2009

  2. Lmao! My surname's actually delta igbo, but I agree, they're not at all.

    About the drifts, we're all constantly changing as individuals so they are bound to happen. Sucks a tiny bit though :(

    And yes, I heard about the 9k allawee! How on Earth were you guys coping? Thank God for change o.

  3. Thanks again Detuke! Feels too cool being on here :)

    1. Awww, you're welcome Ify, It's a pleasure having you on here :)

  4. The first - Love is a decision, not a feeling - what if whoever i promise to stay with is the wrong person and i feel a great deal for someone else? LOVE! It is complicated.
    The second - I am very very very emotional too, as much as i concede it, it sometimes uncontrollable and Yes, i have said & done a lot of things i now regret, i think pple take advantage of my being too emotional & it makes me feel like a weakling. I'm getting better tho...a work in progress.

    Thank you for sharing.

    1. Hmm, tricky one, Zainab...

      I'm no relationship expert but I think that's probably why we shudn't rush into relationships, to avoid situations where you're trapped.
      But if you're "stuck" in that kind of sitch, I wud say give it time before breaking up to make sure it's not just a phase you're going thru. And for all u know, the new love hasn't revealed his true colours yet (all na packaging first lol)

      On ur second point, I totally agree.. We're all work in progress. As long as we're better than we used to be, that's definitely something to be proud of.

  5. @Ify i am Halim too by hubby is from Ibusa in Delta state.Is that where you are from?

    1. oh!maybe you guys are related

    2. Lool, maybe! Tuke's Quest- connecting long lost relatives, hehe :)

  6. i was blessed by this post by Ify. i particularly can relate to the 1st, 2nd and last point. thumbs up ify!

    1. Thanks Fola :)

      I'm about to check out your blog now.

  7. Great post Ify..... true lessons to be learnt @ 21...thumbs up!